Friday, February 15, 2008

Singles Awareness Day

I meant to post this yesterday in honor of the day, but I was never had an opportunity, so here it is now.

Dear.....

I regret to inform you that you have been eliminated from further contention as Mr. Right. As you are probably aware, the competition was exceedingly tough and dozens of well-qualified candidates such as yourself also failed to make the final cut. I will, however, keep your name on file should an opening become available. So that you may find better success in your future romantic endeavors, please allow me to offer the following reason(s) you were disqualified from the competition.

Check those that apply:
__Your last name is objectionable. I can't imagine taking it, hyphenating it, or subjecting my children to it.
__ Your first name is objectionable. It's just not something I can picture myself yelling out in a fit of passion.
__The fact that our dining experiences to date has left MY wallet a little lighter, and YOUR waistline a little tighter.
__You failed the 20 Question Rule, i.e., I asked you 20 questions about yourself before you asked me more than one about myself.
__Your constant e-mailing shows me you have TOO much time on your hands!
__Your legs are skinnier than mine.
__You're too short. Any son that we produced would inevitably be beaten up repeatedly at recess.
__You're too tall. I'm developing a chronic neck condition from trying to kiss you.
__I find your inability to fix my car extraordinarily unappealing.
__The fact that your apartment has been condemned reveals an inherent slovenliness that I fear is unbreakable.
__The phrase "My Mother" has popped up far too often in conversation.
__You still live with your parents.
__Although I do enjoy the X-Files, I find your wardrobe of Star Trek uniforms a little disconcerting.
__Your frequent references to your ex-girlfriend lead me to suspect that you are some sort of psychotic stalker.
__Your ability to belch the alphabet is not a trait that I am seeking in a long-term partner.
__Your height is out of proportion to your weight. If you should however, happen to gain the necessary 17 vertical inches, please resubmit your application.
__I am out of your league, set your sights lower next time.

Sincerely,
Me


I typed part of the biking post the other day before my laptop battery died. I will continue working on it, but right now I need to hurry to work.

Hasta la vista

4 comments:

Sue said...

That's really funny. Thanks for the laugh.

Blessed said...

well - be sure I'm one of the first to know when a potential Mr. Right shows up! I love the list - it is great!

Bekki said...

I am glad you did it! =0) lol

Lawrence said...

MAN! Nothing pleases you girls :P